Fear is Just a Word
by xxDarknessWithinxx
Summary: Roldanda Hooch found love and lost love. She finds that the exhilaration of her once younger self comes flooding back at the most unexpected moment.


**Fear is Just a Word**

* * *

**1**

* * *

The wind whipped through my long hair; the feeling of tiny, sharp jabs of pain upon my face reminded me that I was truly alive.

The blur of my surroundings provided a simple background for my intended task. There, just over 20 meters in front of me, flashed a glint of gold. Nudging my flying steed with the smallest of motions produced an immediate response as if it were part of my physical being.

As I started to plummet down, green replaced the unfocused haze of my prior surroundings; it was all encompassing, except for the glint of gold that preceded me as we spiraled downward into that dark sea of green.

Well into the descent, I instinctively reached forward and pulled up on the wooden handle. My fingertips stretched out as far as they could, protruding from the Dragon Leather, fingerless glove; a glove that was designed to protect the hand and wrist, while allowing the wearer maximum dexterity and sense of touch.

I was able to feel the cold, vibrating sensation of power just at my fingertips. The reverberation penetrated the tips of my fingers and telescoped a sense of need through my arm to my heart. The latter beat as if it were about to burst from my chest.

In my mind I felt my hand closing around the object of my desire but almost immediately my brain registered the shock that nothing was there, NOTHING! ; The only thing I could feel was a horrid sense of complete and utter failure.

The haunting, collective "AW" that followed, surrounded me in a blanket of verbal disbelief.

As I tumbled helplessly over and over again, pain brought the sea of green into sharp focus. Wet grass burned into the few exposed areas of my flesh; PAIN, blackness, and despair…

* * *

2

* * *

Who was I kidding? Why would I even consider putting myself through all of this again? Glory? Fame? Gold? Who needed it; me? Absolutely not!

These thoughts mingled with the roar of the crowd, both of which rang through my head. Suddenly there was a flash of multi colored lights accompanied by the feeling of a hand on my shoulder. Soft words whispered in my ear.

"Go on, you will be brilliant. Just stay focused on the snitch."

Although my feet moved, I had no idea how. For the life of me I could not control the shaking that took over my body and threatened to take over my soul.

Walking out into the cool evening air, I could hear the now deafening cheers that pounded my ears and permeated my skull. A name so familiar to me but foreign at the same time shocked me into a suddenly calm and detached state;" Rolanda Hooch, Seeker, England."

The roar intensified as I noticed my old friend standing alongside what might have been the edge of a precipice. I continued walking along the carpet to where it patiently awaited my touch. Suddenly, my old friend came to me without as much as a whisper. It was part of me; perhaps not in the "flesh and blood" sense, but it was unquestionably tied to my hopes, dreams, failures and successes. It knew me as well as I knew myself. We were one and the same; breathing, hurting, winning, losing, inseparable, excited, anxious, nervous and cocky. We were going to do this together; one way or the other. No matter the outcome, we would be there for each other as no other could be.

Feeling that sudden rush of excitement, the darkened surroundings were disrupted by flashes of light that nearly blinded me. I felt the anticipation of success when a familiar cold feeling touched my fingertips. As the wind whipped through my long dark hair, moisture started to accumulate on my goggles. This, in turn, caused my vision to deteriorate. Closing my eyes, I knew that I had to rely on my instincts and trust in all that I had done to prepare for the moment at hand.

The fluttering of tiny wings tickled the side of my hand and the small vibrating body of the Snitch finally succumbed to my domination!

* * *

3

* * *

I felt alive, so very much alive as we flew at breakneck speed through low lying clouds; the blackness below us made everything seem so lonely. We were together though, just the two of us, entrusted to carry out a mission of such importance and danger that I could barely contain my excitement.

This is what I lived for; the feeling of two who had learned to live as one. We were exactly where we belonged; high above the earth's surface, flying into the unknown.

A brilliant burst of green light followed a single deafening boom, momentarily blinding me. I felt the shock beneath me as intolerably hot air swirled about. Having felt nothing at first, other than that terrible percussion, I now realized that I had begun an uncontrolled decent. I felt myself quickly spiraling down into enemy territory.

I had failed. Why had I not seen it coming? What would become of me? Was this it? Was I to die here, now in the land of our enemy? An enemy who was mercilessly trying to take from us all that we held dear?

NO! I would not die today. I might be blasted from the sky but I would not die here; not at the hands of those whose sole mission was to possess and destroy everything that was beautiful and good.

As the vibration eased just a bit, I struggled to regain as much control as possible. The blackness below me gave me no true judgment as to how far I had fallen or how close to the ground I was.

The Silver Arrow continued to vibrate but finally responded, struggling to get us out of this forsaken place; both of us struggled with all of our might to get back to loved ones, back to England.

Seeing the moonlight reflected in the rippling waters of the channel told me that home was within reach.

As the vibrating became increasingly severe, I turned to look back at the place from which we had just escaped. I could see that the water was behind us now, replaced by solid land.

Suddenly I felt a sputter, a precursor to the fight of life over death that would take place beneath me. I noticed with horror the smoldering embers that still glowed; my dearest friend! My heart and soul had been mortally wounded…..

The subsequent crash came as a shock, accompanied by the snapping of wood and then an all-encompassing blackness.

* * *

"Miss Hooch, MISS HOOCH... Can you open your eyes?" The voice was unfamiliar.

I tried to open my eyes… they seemed to be stuck shut. I tried once again, this time with success. The vision before me was not what I expected.

Shadows screened the objects around me with a silken curtain, making them appear a bit fuzzy and out of focus...

"Miss Hooch, can you understand me?" It was a different voice from the one that had awakened me. This voice was a bit more forceful but kind and somehow soothing at the same time.

Trying to speak, I could not make a single sound ... until I coughed, coughed heavily and repeatedly. I could feel a burning sensation in my throat now, what in Merlin's name was happening and where was I?

The answer came sooner than I had expected.

"Rolanda, Rolanda Hooch; I hereby award you the Medal of Honor for your valiant efforts on behalf of King and Country, for bravery in the face of extreme danger and for risking your life on behalf of the Kingdom of England and its people." Yet another voice spoke.

Who were these people? WHERE WAS I and why were they praising me? I had failed….. Hadn't I?

* * *

4

* * *

"Good afternoon, class."

"Good afternoon, Madam Hooch."

"Good afternoon, Amanda. Good afternoon."

"Welcome to your first flying lesson."

"What are you waiting for? Step up to your broomstick."

"Come on now, hurry up. Stick your hand over the broom and say, Up."

As I say this a bit of sadness engulfs my stomach as I remember my dear friend. It was so long ago but at the same time feels like yesterday, the years seeming to have passed in a dream…. That Silver Arrow was the bravest friend I had ever known. I only wish it could have been here with me today, to see that we had survived, both England and myself. ..

Although they will never know you, each and every one of these young witches and wizards will leave here knowing that they live, laugh and love because of your sacrifice; because of all that you and so many others gave so selflessly.

You might not recognize me now. My hair never did grow back after being so severely burnt. Short, cropped and grey… but it was mine. The cataracts on my eyes had yellowed over the years but with the help of many a healer, my vision had returned and was now more acute than ever. My voice was a bit more gravely; less youthful…

Oh, what am I saying? Of course you would recognize me and I, you.

My Dear Friend, how I miss you… even now there are times I find myself reaching for you.

You can't come to me now; I know this…

Still, you have left me with something so precious. Every year when a new class of students arrives my heart beats like that of an excited school girl. I know I shall never pass that way again but their thrill and excitement brings you back to me….. And, I am happy again… You are by my side, the wind is blowing through my hair and I look forward to spending yet another year on the Quidditch Pitch...


End file.
